Carpool to Hell

Three souls are trapped in the same plane of existence on the downward spiral to Hell. This is their story.

Posts tagged chernobog

Ebony and Ivory

  • Azrael: Yeah, cause Chernobog totally stroked my crotch last night.
  • Leviathan: That's why I did not want to sit next to him.
  • *Azrael pantomimes Chernobog stroking his crotch*
  • Azrael: *exasperated* Thank you??
  • Leviathan: Now...tell me the truth...It aroused you a little, huh?
  • *Azrael shakes head and makes disgusted face*
  • Azrael: NO...he's black!

Lumpy Lady Loves

  • Chernobog: She's on your team.
  • Leviathan: Naked. Glistening.
  • Azrael: Ugh.
  • Chernobog: You must sex her until her hair is straight.
  • Arzael: *gags*
  • Chernobog: Wait.
  • Chernobog: Down there.
  • Azrael: *dry heaves* *leaves room*
  • Azrael: *Returns with a large kitchen knife* We have ways for dealing with this.

Things to Add to Tumblr, and ask [Leviathan]

  • *Discussing an attractive female Jewish professor known by Chernobog and Azrael*
  • Azrael: She said she left it at her house! Bah!
  • Chernobog: You should go to her house and yell "Hey!"
  • Azrael: *seductively* Hey.
  • Chernobog: *Just* like that.
  • Azrael: You're a tree and I'll climb your branches to the fruit. That's straight out of the song of Solomon, baby.
  • Chernobog: If you're going to climb me you'll need to at least wash my feet first.
  • Azrael: Now tell me the truth, there's a secret Jew position isn't there?
  • Chernobog: Now how do we position ourselves to make the Star?
  • Azrael: I forget, is it called the "David" or the "Goldstein"?

Really?

  • *Leviathan reading previous post out loud*
  • Leviathan: What the fuck? Really?
  • Chernobog: I heard about that one. I laughed then, too.
  • Azrael: I'm a good person. Happy...Jew-Christmas.

You can masterbate it, but you can't masticate it!

  • *Looking at the couch storage compartment*
  • Chernobog: Wow, you could totally hide a body in there.
  • Azrael: You think we haven't thought of that?
  • Baal: Yeah, there are actually 7 different places to hide bodies in the house. Of course, I'll only tell you about 6 of them, because the last is where we're putting your body.
  • Chernobog: Oh, okay. How would you dispose of me?
  • Azrael: Lime
  • Baal: Various Chemicals. Speaking of which, have you broken any bones?
  • Leviathan: Or tattoos?
  • Chernobog: Yeah...here and here.
  • Baal: Yeah...we'll have to remove those. And you see a dentist regularly, right? Yeah, the head has to come off too.
  • Chernobog: If you're going to cut me up, at least eat my brain and heart to gain their power!
  • Azrael: I was going to eat something else to gain its power.
  • Baal: You can't. You think you'd be the first person to try that? Science has shown that it too tough and stringing to eat.
  • Azrael: Really now?
  • Baal: [Azrael] you cannot eat his penis, it is not like a sausage!