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Baal:
Shovel: $12
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Baal:
Plantation: $2000
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Baal:
Black Person: $17
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Azrael:
Living out your life's dream: Priceless
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Azrael:
Dude, that guy just cut us off!
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Leviathan:
GOD DAMN ASIANS!!!
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Baal & Azrael:
That was a white guy.
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Leviathan:
...my point still stands.
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*Discussing an attractive female Jewish professor known by Chernobog and Azrael*
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Azrael:
She said she left it at her house! Bah!
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Chernobog:
You should go to her house and yell "Hey!"
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Azrael:
*seductively* Hey.
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Chernobog:
*Just* like that.
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Azrael:
You're a tree and I'll climb your branches to the fruit. That's straight out of the song of Solomon, baby.
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Chernobog:
If you're going to climb me you'll need to at least wash my feet first.
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Azrael:
Now tell me the truth, there's a secret Jew position isn't there?
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Chernobog:
Now how do we position ourselves to make the Star?
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Azrael:
I forget, is it called the "David" or the "Goldstein"?
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*Leviathan reading previous post out loud*
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Leviathan:
What the fuck? Really?
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Chernobog:
I heard about that one. I laughed then, too.
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Azrael:
I'm a good person. Happy...Jew-Christmas.
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*Azrael and Baal at the store looking at Christmas decorations *
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Baal:
Do you think we should get [Leviathan] a menorah?
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Azrael:
Yes! That is an excellent idea.
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Baal:
We can give it to him as a gift.
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Azrael:
And wrap it in wrapping paper!
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Baal:
And put his name on it!
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Azrael:
And hide it in the oven!
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Baal:
That's where they put their presents, like presents under a Christmas tree.
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*Looking at the couch storage compartment*
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Chernobog:
Wow, you could totally hide a body in there.
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Azrael:
You think we haven't thought of that?
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Baal:
Yeah, there are actually 7 different places to hide bodies in the house. Of course, I'll only tell you about 6 of them, because the last is where we're putting your body.
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Chernobog:
Oh, okay. How would you dispose of me?
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Azrael:
Lime
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Baal:
Various Chemicals. Speaking of which, have you broken any bones?
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Leviathan:
Or tattoos?
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Chernobog:
Yeah...here and here.
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Baal:
Yeah...we'll have to remove those. And you see a dentist regularly, right? Yeah, the head has to come off too.
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Chernobog:
If you're going to cut me up, at least eat my brain and heart to gain their power!
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Azrael:
I was going to eat something else to gain its power.
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Baal:
You can't. You think you'd be the first person to try that? Science has shown that it too tough and stringing to eat.
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Azrael:
Really now?
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Baal:
[Azrael] you cannot eat his penis, it is not like a sausage!
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Baal:
*clangs glass 3 times on chair*
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Samael:
What are you calling to order?
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Baal:
I'm calling together the "Order of I Slept With your Mom". All present, say aye.
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Leviathan and Bystander 1:
Aye!
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Azrael:
Aye!
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Bystander 2:
Aye!
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Leviathan:
Cut it out! I have a baby growing in my throat!
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Samael:
I have a baby growing in my girlfriend.
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Leviathan:
Wait, really?
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Samael:
Yeah, the abortion is tomorrow.
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Leviathan:
Seriously?
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Samael:
I don't want it!
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Azrael:
I want it.
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Samael:
What?!
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Azrael:
...good source of protein...
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I love old advertising. This is perfect.
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Azrael:
Oats in your eye!
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Leviathan:
Is that like a chunky cumshot?
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Azrael:
No, it's when you're doing it in a barn in the oats, and the horses watch and are all "NraehHehehe."
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Leviathan:
[Azrael]. You're weird.
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Azreal:
What? Have you never had a threesome where the third person's a horse?