Carpool to Hell

Three souls are trapped in the same plane of existence on the downward spiral to Hell. This is their story.

Posts tagged Azrael

"AIDS.
That is all."

Az

Drunk Azrael Reveals What He Really Thinks About Leviathan

  • Drunk Azrael: You know...she's...
  • Leviathan: "she's just so crazy it just might work?"
  • Drunk Azrael: ...GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU GOLD STEALING JEW!!!

New dogs, old tricks

  • Azrael: Flashing the neighbors has been significantly less fun since we moved and now live across from that elementary school.
  • Leviathan: Well, maybe for you.

"I just realized why it’s easy for Asians to become actors: they don’t have to worry about whether or not their eyes show the right emotions cause you can’t see them anyway!"

Azrael, while watching Star Trek: Voyager

Mind Reading

  • Azrael: Well if you'll excuse me, I need to paint a picture while watching Star Trek.
  • Leviathan: Remember what I said? If you miss your class, I'm going to stab you in the eye. Do you know what I meant by that?
  • Azrael: That you'll aim for my eye so that I die instantly?
  • Leviathan: No.
  • Azrael: That you'll aim for my cheek, so that I'll be scarred but alive?
  • Leviathan: No.
  • Azrael: That you'll use you penis?
  • Leviathan: *smiles*

"Of all the things I thought I’d be thinking about while in bed, how unattractive Linda is was not at the top if my list."

[Azrael]

Ebony and Ivory

  • Azrael: Yeah, cause Chernobog totally stroked my crotch last night.
  • Leviathan: That's why I did not want to sit next to him.
  • *Azrael pantomimes Chernobog stroking his crotch*
  • Azrael: *exasperated* Thank you??
  • Leviathan: Now...tell me the truth...It aroused you a little, huh?
  • *Azrael shakes head and makes disgusted face*
  • Azrael: NO...he's black!

Worth the spit in my food

  • *at Denny's*
  • Server: I can't believe it's New Years Eve already! And just think we'll be here again in just 365 days.
  • Azrael: No we won't.
  • Server: What? You don't believe in all that Mayan-calendar-end-of-the-world stuff do you?
  • Azrael: No, it's just that 2012 is a leap year.
  • Server: *blank stare*
  • Azrael: 365 days from now will be December 30th, not 31st.
  • Server: I'll be back with your drinks shortly.

Absence makes the weird grow stronger

  • Azrael by himself looking at some pictures from a weekend get together.
  • Azrael: Hmm, it is just me or do I look creepy in this picture.
  • Azrael: (imitating Baal) It's not just this picture.
  • Azrael: (imitating Leviathan) The problem appears to be occurring in *this* region (pointing at face)
  • Azrael: Ahhhh....
  • Azrael: Well then, I'll just be going now. *gets up to leave*
  • Azrael: Wait. Waiiiit. *sits back down*

Lumpy Lady Loves

  • Chernobog: She's on your team.
  • Leviathan: Naked. Glistening.
  • Azrael: Ugh.
  • Chernobog: You must sex her until her hair is straight.
  • Arzael: *gags*
  • Chernobog: Wait.
  • Chernobog: Down there.
  • Azrael: *dry heaves* *leaves room*
  • Azrael: *Returns with a large kitchen knife* We have ways for dealing with this.